03

05/31/2025

i might be pregnant. i just told you that and you accused me of not telling you i wasn't on birth control. you knew.

i find myself missing you often, but i don't know if its just the memories.

it's so hard to distract myself, i have to rediscover all of my hobbies over again. i feel it all fading, i just need to get back into doing things. things were getting so much easier and i was almost able to actually start really working on fixing things, but it was too fucking late. i know you're so fucking mad at me and it makes me upset

part of me wishes i never met you so i never had to feel like this.

i did coke two days in a row and i'm really feeling it. i know you probably have no faith ill get better. i don't think we're getting back together anyways i don't think you want to. i got a tv. i know you think thats irresponsible.

i feel so fucking empty when im sober again, i don't know what to do man. i know things get better in time but god. i had made so much progress getting better with being able to do my hobbies and stuff and now i have to restart to even work on myself in the ways i need to. this is fucking awful. i know you don't care i'm writing you letters. atleast i don't think you care. i can't wait til my chair gets here. i can't wait til you pay me back for the hotel so i can get it off my credit card. it's so fucking hard to climb out of this hole.