archive

s t a r t - 01/04/2025

i guess i made a website blog journal thingy. i had to do this like 4 different times with different layouts but that's ok. it's january 4th at 12:55am, i couldn't sleep so instead i'm doing this.

w h y ? - 01/03/2025

i started this as some attempt to grasp at the creativity i had as a teenager. well, i guess it worked. this is the longest i've spent creating something all at once in years. the past 3 years have felt like a broken neck. trying to change things for the new year is incredibly corny but this is the furthest i think i've gotten in a while.

i used to have projects . tons of them, all the time, like this. they would keep me up all night when i was a kid. i had this blacklight in my room and i'd only leave that on and some candles. the nights i'd spend awake doing nothing & everything were the only times i ever felt connected with myself. sort of how i do right now. the last few years have been a constant fight with time, trying to figure out what to do with myself because all i can stand to be is a constant pit of panic . ..........

but that's alright.

i guess i'm finally getting there. i just have to write. i have to write


......

it's too fucking cold - 01/05/2025

sometimes i feel like i'm pretending to be alive. i spent months actually alone and i was going fucking crazy. like, i don't think i spent more than an hour sober in those months. i was locked in this tiny room in the middle of nowhere, because there was nowhere to go, and i could not stand to be with my thoughts. i would genuinely wake up and call the first person i saw in my contacts and just fucking scream. not even words, just like AHHHHHH!

i think i frightened a lot of people close to me by doing that. and right after the call, if not during, i would just drink myself into some incoherent state where i had no idea what was going on. because being alone in that fucking room with myself was that bad. i'd like to tell myself i've improved since then or that i'm different- i was going through something, yaknow? but in reality i have no fucking clue. i have no idea if i'm still like that or not. i spent an even longer time alone a little over a year ago but it wasn't really alone, i was always waiting on someone or just around people. i don't know who i am without that and i am way too fucking terrified to find out

777 - 01/07/2025

rise and shine, its 1:58 pm on the SEVENTH OF JANUARY , TWENTY TWENTY FIVE. there is snow outside, i am hungover. what a life

tomorrow, my lucky number eight, i go to get evaluated & remedicated. it's only been two years but i am nervous. i know what to tell them, i know all of the right things to say but what if my trusty lamotrigine and aripiprazole don't work anymore? what if im condemned to take lithium again and return to Battery Girl status. that wasn't so bad, i suppose. i may return tomorrow with a new diagnosis as well, as i lied to my last psychiatrist extensively out of embarrassment. you will be updated! as per usual,

keep smoking, i love you! keep smoking, i love you!

medicated - 01/10/2025

TENTH OF JANUARY , TWENTY TWENTY FIVE. i have been remedicated, and i have not returned to Battery Girl. in a few days, i start my new job. i looked up how the position was and i'm honestly terrified of what the fuck i'm going to be doing. surely, it'll be fine, right?
RIGHT?!
i have put many many updates here, such as a gallery, character pages, redid all the layouts/css a few times & tweaked things to make them super extra duper cooler. we're almost at 3k views, THANK YOU!! i enabled tipping so any of you could have the option to help me out with a custom domain (please). or if you just dig the page! i'm not begging for money. i'm sorry. should i commit suicide via disembowelment to preserve my honor?
anyway, seriously. hope you guys are liking it so far :'^) consider signing the guestbook to just say hi or be in contact !!! talk to me ! PLEASE





maintain ( ´ཀ` ) - 01/13/2025

01/13
hello little people in my computer. we are almost breaking 4k views, i am forever grateful people are giving my little project the time of day. i have been getting back into art, specifically for the want of showcasing it here. i just would like to take the time to thank everyone who clicks on this, even if i have no idea if any of you read any of this bullshit besides my friends when i force them to look at my new thing, because it has motivated me beyond belief. this was started to try and get back into my hobbies slowly, and mostly as a way to waste time, and it's barely been 10 days and i am being kickstarted into being a Normal Functioning Person With Hobbies again.
and for that, thank you.
anyways. i'd like to apologize for how unusable my website is on mobile. i have no fucking idea how to fix that yet, as i taught myself how to do all of this as i went on. eventually, it will probably be done. sign the guestbook, do the thing, i love you